Girls, do you feel voiceless or powerless with some of your nearest and dearest? In my coaching practice there are a couple of repeated woes that many women are very much over. Today, let’s talk about boundaries.
(Keep an eye out for other woes in subsequent blogs.)
Joyce Meyer says:
“Don’t get angry if there’s dog poo in your yard when you don’t have a fence.”
Ha ha! I have had some experience with poo in my place, so I would add:
Don’t blame the dog or the dog owner if you haven’t built the fence; and it’s too late to ask the dog owner to clean the poo when the dog is pooing.
So, let's count the cost to you, in building a fence.
Decide on consequences if pooing continues (that’s one determined dog!)
During a friendly discussion, tell the owner your requirements and the cost of not meeting them.
If poos reappear, bring in the consequences firmly and kindly.
Don’t get resentful when others don’t do things the way that you want, when you haven’t made it clear what the boundaries are. AND, more importantly, what the consequences are when those boundaries are crossed.
Here is a more life-like example:
Johnny won’t clean his room, so Mum clearly and pleasantly tells him at a nice, peaceful, happy moment in their relationship, that she expects it done by … (a clear time/day). The boundary is stated.
And next, she states what will happen if it’s not done (consequence). Johnny will go without his favourite … (whatever he values—dessert, pocket money, reading, playing with …)
If (when) his room is not clean by the due time, Mum firmly brings in the consequence even if it hurts her (a grumpy or angry kid or other devastation, when Johnny has been shut in his room).
Mum DOES NOT BACK DOWN.
No! NEVER! (Otherwise don't state the boundary until you are ready and strong).
Next time Johnny forgets to do his room, the consequence is repeated, no shouting or nagging required. Johnny knows. He is clever and he’s heard it a million times.
In future when he’s asked to clean his room, hey presto:
A clean room. (If not, go again- you are building your tough-it-out muscles mum).